Truth is...

The truth is I came to New York to live here because I've always wanted to.  I've been obsessed with this place for years.  I've also come to pursue Broadway.  I know that's a tough road and I've talked myself out of it a million times but that dream has never died.  I just have to find out if there are any opportunities for me.  However, I really do have realistic expectations. I know things won't happen overnight. I know I have to put myself out there and I know I have to be brave and do the one thing I hate most...AUDITION!!! 

With all that being said, I started looking into talent agencies online.  Of course, I know nothing about any of them or even know how the whole thing all works.  I found one called One Source Talent for modeling and acting and just randomly filled out an application because that's all that came up on their website. The very next day I recieved a call from One Source asking me to come in for an interview.   I called them back and scheduled the interview for last Tuesday at 6:45 PM.  I had no idea what to expect.  Before going, I prayed that I would know whether this place was legit or not and that I would have a sense of peace if it was what I was supposed to do. 

After work on Tuesday I left Cranky's, put on my cutest outfit and headed down to the One Source Talent office on 145th Street.  I was so early, so I walked around Times Square and 5th Avenue and then sat down on a bench to gather my thoughts before I went up to the office.  Once I got there I had to fill out paper work in a room with about 60 other people.  They were all there for the same interview and I thought to myself "So this is what a cattle call looks like. This is good preparation for auditioning."  Once I filled out the paper work, I sat and waited with everyone else.  They proceeded to call our names about five at a time and we each went into a room and had a polaroid taken of us.  Then, of course, it was back to our seats to wait some more.  Finally, Darlene, the director, came out and gave us the whole breakdown of this company, including what they do, how they work, who they have signed etc.  To me, she was a bit annoying and really fake and there were times when she was almost rude with her comments.  So I didn't know how I felt yet.  Once she finished with the whole spiel, we were called to wait in line for our interviews. Instead of five at a time, it was now two at a time.  When it was my turn, I went into Darlene's office for about five minutes.  Here is a run down of the interview:

Darlene: Put your stuff down on the chair and stand over there by the wall so I can look at you.  I'm just going to ask you a few questions and see if we want you to come back for a second interview.  So, why are you here?"
Me: To see what opportunities are here for me. 
Darlene: Are you interested in modeling and acting or just acting?
Me:  I'll do both.
Darlene: "What do you do in real life?"
Me: "I'm a music teacher back home and I just moved here about 3 weeks ago." 
Darlene: "Wow, so you're serious about this...On a scale of 1-10 how bad do you want to pursue Broadway?" 
(Here's where I started giving her all the wrong answers because I couldn't be anything but honest in that moment. My response went something like this...)
Me: "Um I would say about an 8."
Darlene: "Really?  Why an 8?"
Me:  Well,  an 8 because I am just interested in seeing what opportunities are here for me and if there are no open doors then I know that this isn't for me.  (those weren't my exact words but that's the jist.  I was so nervous and those words just sort of threw up out of my mouth)
Darlene:  You just started, this isn't going to happen overnight.

Me:  I know and I know that's not the answer you wanted to hear but that's how I feel.

Darlene:  Okay well, I would like for you to come back tomorrow for a second interview.  How about 12:30?
Me:  Okay thanks.  I'll see you then.

What?  A second interview when I just gave you all the lame wrong answers?  That's what I thought to myself.  So I came home and soaked all that in for a bit.  I said some more prayers and then woke up Wednesday morning so excited. My sister was coming for a visit for the rest of the week and I had a second interview with this talent agency.  I was excited but still didn't know how I felt about this place known as One Source Talent. 

I got to the office around 12:20 and saw a few familiar places from the night before.  They told us in the informational meeting that some would be called back for a second interview and some wouldn't.  They even said that if you did not receive a call back, they wouldn't explain why unless you asked.  So who knows how  many were actually called back for a second interview.  I was there waiting and a girl came out to get me who had the biggest, fakest boobs I have ever seen, botox lips, and hair extensions down to her butt.  That did not make me feel comfortable at all.  She sat me down and asked me a few questions, asked for a few recent pictures of me and then left to go show the director.  She came back and said, "okay I might have you read something" and then she brought back a short monologue for a Claritin commercial.  She said, "look over this so you're familiar with it and I'll call you in a few minutes".  So I sat in the tiny office and read over the commercial script.  She came back about two minutes later and brought me into the room where I waited last night for my first interview and there was someone else sitting in there.  The girl who was interviewing me (I don't remember any of their names, probably because I had a freak out and could only focus on the fakeness of the girl interviewing me)  said this is so and so, (she was a normal down to earth girl,) and she will be listening to you read as well as me.  So I read the script and I was awful!!!!  I thought to myself Holy Moly, I need some acting lessons. So the fake girl said "Okay try that again...I know you have theatre experience so take your time and read slower and project."  So, I tried again and was just as awful as the first time.  When I finished I sort of laughed and the fake girl said, "Thanks lets go back into my office".  Once we were in the office, she said I can tell you have some theatre experience.  Give me a minute and let me talk to the director and I'll come back and let you know if we are going to sign you or not.  I said "If you decide to sign me what does that mean?"  She said "It just means we will make a comp card with your photos and resume and start sending you out to directors and photograpers for work."  I said okay and she left.  She came back a few minutes later with paperwork and said "Well, we would like to sign you today. Congratulations" and proceeded to shake my hand.  The down to earth girl came in with her as well.  The fake girl immediately went over all the paper work and said okay sign here.  I started freaking out because they never gave me a moment to ask any type of questions and it was going to be $500.00 up front plus 49.95 every month after that.  I don't have $500.00 to give up front.  So I stopped her and said "Okay wait, I don't have $500. Can I think about this and let you know at the end or the day?  Can I do a payment plan?  Also, what if I decide I don't want to be a part of this company any more can I just stop?"  She said, "I'll ask my director about a payment plan but without that money we can't get you started and this is a non binding contract so you can stop using us at any time".  She left once again and came back and said "Darlene, the director really likes you and can see your potential but we do need that money upfront or we can't really get your photos or get you in our database to send you out." So I said, "Well then I can't do this"  The fake girl said, "well can you at least do a hundred now and we will get the rest from  you later?"  By this time I was literally having heart palpitations because I didn't think they would sign me and $500 is a lot of money.  It's very clear to people when I'm not comfortable or when I'm freaking out.  So the fake girl said "would you like some time to maybe make some phone calls?"  I said, "yes that would be great." 

So, I called my parents and told them the whole story and my mom told me to do what I thought I should.  She said whatever I decided they would support me.  Then I talked to Papa and right in the middle of our conversation the call dropped.  I was crying and I decided in that moment that this just wasn't right.  I didn't have a good feeling and I was freaking out.  So I went back into that tiny little office and the normal, down to earth girl came and asked, "What have you decided?"  I said, as tears were flowing from my eyes,  "I can't do this.  I'm not ready for this.  I'm sure you can tell I'm freaking out. It was all too fast and I don't have money up front to give."  The normal girl said "Yeah I know you're not ready, we need people who are gung-ho and know.  But you're new to the city. Go on some Equity chorus calls and do things on your own and see where that leads.  For you I don't think you will have a hard time finding work."  Even though I was freaking out, her words were exactly what I needed to hear.  So I said "thank you so much and I'm sorry I freaked out."  I headed out the door still with tears in my eyes thinking what if I just missed out on an amazing opportunity?!!! 

When I got to a place where my phone was working I called my parents back to really talk to them and see what their thoughts were.  I talked to mom first and I was 100% doubting my decision and I told her that I wanted to go back in and tell them I changed my mind.  Then I talked to Papa and he said "Do you want to know my honest opinion?"  I said "yes Papa that's why I called."  So he said  "You are not financially prepared for all of this.  As you have found out everything happens so fast in NY.  I think you need to come home, work at Encino Park, save, save, save and then come back next summer prepared.  If someone says they need 500.00 then you can give it to them. That's my honest opinion."  So I said "Papa that's what I needed to hear and I felt better."  

Then I headed to H&M and the bookstore before I needed to pick up my sister for some much needed retail therapy.  As I was shopping I was sulking in the thought of coulda, shoulda, woulda.  Then I talked to some people and they just gave me reassurance that my decision was right.  My friend Clare said you should never pay upfront.  Some others said what incentive do they have to work for you if they have already been paid???  So then I was no longer thinking 'what if' but finally felt good about my decision.
Here is what I learned through all of this:  When it's the right thing I'll know it and feel a peace about the company or the agent or whatever it is that I need.  I learned that I should never pay up front for a service like One Source even if it sounds promising and that they are on my side because then I will just sit in a database and who knows if they are sending out my name or not.  I learned that now I'm on my own.  I need to find auditions and then be brave enough to go to them no matter the outcome.  I learned that I have my parents' support even though I knew that already. It was just confirmed when Papa said come back next summer and just pursue this.  So now the truth is out and lessons have been learned. 

Love
The Dreamer, Miss Gulley in Manhattan