I have to be honest and say that this week was a really hard, emotional week for me. I cried almost every day just because I know my time is short here and I had a few hard decisions to make as well. Every time someone asked me about leaving I just burst into uncontrollable tears. I can't handle it really. I also cried because I just had a huge fear of the what ifs? What if I don't come back next summer? What if this isn't really the path for me? What if I meet someone and want to follow him wherever he goes and this part of my life isn't included in his life? I would be devastated if that happened! I know that's stupid to think about but I couldn't help it. So I sat in my sweaty bed, (because it has been miserably hot and I have no freaking AC!!!) on Saturday morning and just prayed and laid it all out before God and felt so much better. I was still so sad and my eyes were puffy and swollen from all the tears that were shed the past few days.
I finally got myself together and had a very nice evening with a friend. We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, ate at Grimaldi's in Brooklyn and then trekked to Roosevelt Island just in time to catch the ending of the new Star Trek movie. It was a fun evening but Sunday was even better.
I didn't know if I was gonna go to Trinity Grace Sunday morning or if I was just gonna go to Hillsong NYC that night. My alarm went off at 9:03 and I popped out of bed so I went to Trinity Grace and I'm so glad I did. The sermon was perfect. I love how the Lord has taken care of me, reafirmed everything in my life, eased my worries and given me answers. The sermon was on Psalm 37 and this is the Psalm where my most favorite verse in all of life is found. Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
The speaker started out the sermon with these words. "People come to New York City to pursue their dreams but then it becomes an idol and we overlook our values. This is where Psalm 37 speaks into the essence of our lives as New Yorkers." Of course, I consider myself a New Yorker...at least for a few more weeks. After that statement he laid out several points on how to live out Psalm 37 and not make our dreams Idols. The points he made are as follows:
*God is a God of Justice
*God is our Guide (this is the one that was like yes!! I needed that!)
-God directs us, he doesn't control us. We know what to do because the close relationship we have with him.
-Decision making has become stressful to most people because we either give God to small of a role in our decision making or too big of a role.
-God always uses the small to do something big
-Prayers is central! Surrender dreams to God so we don't fall into idolatry.
-Psalm 37:5 Commit Everything to the Lord
*God is our Provider..I know this to be 100% true. I have experienced his provision in miraculous ways this summer!
-Who are you really trusting to provide? Man this question hit me like a ton of bricks because I just spent yesterday crying over the what ifs.
-Genuine trust comes from humility
-What happens when dreams are unfulfilled in our lives? Patience is the key to Gods provision. V. 8
-Trust, humility and patience come by prayer because we don't have the power to give those to ourselves.
That is my jumble of notes that I jotted down during the sermon but man, those were words and points that seemed to come directly from God's mouth to my ears. Reason #1 why Sunday is a little taste of heaven.
After Trinity Grace I went to explore the Upper West Side, had a cup of joe at Joe's Coffee Shop and then ate a tasty lunch at Cafe Duex Margot. I came home practiced for a bit and then headed down to Union Square for church at Hillsong NYC.
This week the line was almost triple in length from last week. I still had to stand in the balcony but it didn't matter. This is reason #2 why Sunday is a little taste of Heaven. The music is incredible at Hillsong. Everytime we sing I just feel the Lord's presence in that place. The sounds of people singing and praising is what I like to call a Holy Chatter that continues throughout the worship time and even after the music is over. When that happens I can picture all of us in heaven doing the exact same thing in the presence of our Savior!!! What precious moments those are.
The sermon at Hillsong also spoke to my heart just like the sermon at Trinity Grace did. The pastor spoke about humility and fighting for our dreams and not giving up. He quoted Isaiah 55:8-9 that says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." The pastor paraphrased it like this "You don't know what God is up to so start fighting again."
What I got out of Sunday's sermons was what I have known all along. The Lord is in control of my life. He provides opportunitys and he will fullfill the dreams I have if I hand them over and let him take care of them. He knows better than I do. Patience is a virtue and humility is a necessity.
Even though the week was rough and I cried lots of tears I loved getting a glimpse of heaven and spending time in the presence of the Lord.
Love
Miss Gulley in Manhattan
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