Perspective...

I feel like Sunday I turned over a new leaf here in NYC even though I've only been here a week.  I threw myself a little pity party and now I'm over it because it's all about perspective!

 I went to church on Sunday morning to Apostles Church and it was good but not exactly what I was looking for.  I had gone there last summer the first Sunday I was in town and sort of felt the same way so I never went back.  I thought I'd give it another shot...won't be going back.  After church I walked around the streets of NYC aimlessly as I do everyday. That's my way of exploring the city.  When I see a cute restaurant or something that looks interesting I write it down so I have a running list of things to do and places to eat in each part of town that I've wandered around.  Let's just say my feet are TIRED and FAT!  

Anyway, I made it a 2 church Sunday and ended up at Hillsong NYC at 7:00PM.  I was so excited to be there because I was looking forward to the music and the message and everything that I loved about it last summer.  Well, the service started and my mind went crazy with thoughts like "Oh my gosh why is the music so loud we're not at a rock concert we're at church?"  "Are these people for real or are they just putting on a show?"  "Why are so many people raising their hands? Is it authentic or are they doing it because that's what everyone else is doing?" "What do these people's lives look like outside of this service?"  Man, I was being soooo judgmental and boy, was I slammed with hard truth that rocked my world once the preacher started preaching!  He titled the sermon "That Girl is Poison..."  and based it off of the story of Samson and Delilah in Judges 16.  The preachers first quote was "It takes a lifetime to build a testimony and a moment to destroy it. It is our job to protect God's calling on our life."  He then asked what he calls a life altering question...  Has your perspective been poisoned because your vision dictates your future?  I just have to say the whole sermon was packed with a punch and by the end of the service I was in uncontrollable tears (I mean, that's not uncommon for me) and a new perspective on things.  I will be calling Hillsong NYC my church home and can never look at the story of Samson and Delilah the same.  

Sunday was a good start to the week and exactly what I needed.  Monday I walked around, turned in resumes for a server/barista job and then met up with Charles Barksdale that night before he left for Texas the next morning.  I love seeing familiar faces because it makes me so happy.  Tuesday was awesome because I had my first voice lesson here with a girl named Amanda Flynn.  We went to college together and I randomly found her ad on Playbill.com so I emailed her and set up Tuesday afternoon for a voice lesson.  I was taking lessons in San Antonio with a lady named Rachel Cruz for the past three months and begged her for some musical theatre rep.  I never got any from her so Amanda was everything I was looking for and I am so thankful.  She even sent me home with the following songs to learn...  

Simple Little Things-110 in the Shade

How are Things in Glocca Morra-Finian's Rainbow

There's a Fine Fine Line-Avenue Q

Follow Your Heart-Urinetown

Frank Mills-Hair

Lay Down Your Head-Violet

With each song she handed to me she told me why she gave it to me and what we will be working on with each one.  That's kind of amazing to me.  Yay for legit voice teachers!!!  Tuesday night I ended up at Battery Park City for a nice concert with a guy I've never heard of and Suzanne Vega.  The weather here that day was cold for summer so I was pretty chilly in the park at a breezy 73 degrees.  The music was lovely and I loved it.  

Wednesday I walked around some more but I always find myself at Bryant Park.  I just love that place and I'm mysteriously drawn to it.  I had a nice relaxing moment of reading Catching Fire for a while and then proceeded to Central Park to watch The New York City Opera's production of Tosca.  Of course, getting to where they were performing was a bit of a struggle but I eventually made it.  The performance was interesting because to me the girl was so awkward and wouldn't look the person she was singing to in the eye which made the whole story pretty unbelievable..at least in my opinion.  Eye contact is such a huge deal for me and I do know that I'm a really harsh critic sometimes.  So, in reality, I'm sure it was a wonderful performance for those who stayed the whole time.  I, on the other hand, left so I could come back home and work on my blasted portfolio. I have one more thing to insert and then it is finished.  I will be so glad when it's done because that means I can start submitting my stuff for a real job.   

Today was quite interesting.  I woke up pretty late and didn't leave my apartment until about 3ish.  I decided I wanted to check out Astoria Park today because I've heard great things about it.  I weighed my options of riding the train or walking.  Since they took the same amount of time I decided to go by foot so I could explore Queens a little more.  Hmmmm, that was not a good choice because I can't read a map and google maps is not really my friend so I ended up in the Astoria Projects.  I think that was the first time I was actually scared in NYC.  I was literally the only white person in the area and it was AWKWARD!!!  I kept looking at my Google maps and it kept telling me to go all these crazy ways and I wasn't even near those streets so I was panicking on the inside and saying to myself...get out, get out, get out!  I was so far away from the park it wasn't even funny.  I really do need to learn how to figure out which way is North, South, East and West because that's what Google uses.  I'm used to directions like.. "stay on this road and turn left on 23rd street.  You'll see a bunch of trees and the river will be on your left."  Those directions are easy to follow and don't get me lost.  Astoria Park was just another park and nothing too exciting so I hopped on the subway to Midtown and once again I found myself in Bryant Park watching the free Yoga class on the lawn. They have that class every Thursday night so I need to remember to go.  

On the agenda tomorrow is a dance class at Broadway Dance and then who knows what else. So far, it's been a good week. 

Battery City Park at Dusk

River to River Festival with Suzanne Vega

Tosca in Central Park

See, just another park :)

Livin' it up, 

Miss Gulley in Manhattan

The Sights and Sounds of Summer in Central Park

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

 That is the verse I read on the day I left for this city and that is the very same verse I claimed as mine to live by on Januray 1, 2012 sitting in Kat's living room as I painted those words on canvas. That was clearly not a coincidence and clearly the work of the Lord's hands once again. I'm listening as hard as I can. 

  I have only been in the city for three whole days and I've already come to these conclusions...

-goodbyes are like Band-Aids the slower you peel them off the more it hurts!  

-I think I'm in some sort of shock.

-I don't think I've fully recovered from my night of packing till 3am, and carrying 4 bags up four flights of stairs to my new place.

-I need to make friends as soon as possible.

-I should have known better than to think it would be as easy as last summer. 

I've drawn these conclusions because I have cried more this past month than I have cried my whole life because leaving my home was probably the hardest thing I've ever done.  I wake up with the puffiest eyes every morning at 7:00AM on the dot without an alarm clock.  I haven't had a real conversation with people face to face in three days and that's surprisingly hard for me. Let me clarify, I talk on the phone, I send text messages I ask "Hi, I'm just wondering if y'all are hiring right now?" and smile at strangers on the street but I definitely don't consider that much interaction for right now.  I sweat buckets from the moment I wake up until the moment I wake up the next day which results in two showers per day.  I don't have my job at Cranky's that I thought I would have and I cannot get my portfolio done to save my life!  

Therefore, my days have consisted of waking up at 7:00am and then going back to sleep because it's summer and there is no way I'm waking up that early.  When I finally wake up I have a cup of tea and a bagel at the kitchen table as I read my morning devotion which is always perfect for the day that awaits me.  I go around town and hand out my resumes to cute little coffee shops or cafe's since Cranky's is fully staffed, walk around the city, take it all in and then come home to my immaculately clean apartment without mice and work on my portfolio.  Needless to say my life here has not been too exciting yet.  On the bright side, I have a voice lesson scheduled already with a girl I knew in college and hopefully she will point me to some really good musical theatre rep that I desperately need.  My roommates are really nice and never home so I have the place to myself when I'm here and I LOVE THAT!  

 Today I decided to take a break from life and spend my day in Central Park.  This place is one of the many reasons I <3 NYC.  As soon as I hopped of the train I grabbed a venti vanilla iced chai tea latte for my daily source of energy and headed into the park.  My goal was to find the beautiful place that has all the trees cascading over the walkway that my sister and I desperately tried to find last year when she came for a visit.  Well, it's called the Mall/Literary Walk and I found it! Once I realized it was directly across from the Bethesda Fountain I had to laugh a little.  Sis, we were so close and had  no idea! Today in that area of the park they were hosting something called Adventures NYC.  It was hosted by Backpacker Magazine so it was all this outdoorsy stuff. We all know that outdoorsy stuff is not really my thing but I let my ears be my guide today and I heard some of the best music in the little amphitheater that was at the end of the Mall.  The first band was called Kings County Ramblers and the next group was called Lucius.  The first band was a bluegrass band and so good and Lucius, well I don't really know how to describe them except to say  they totally rocked my face off!   I loved them too because the singers were matchy matchy like me and Cindy :) After that I walked right over to the Bethesda Fountain but stopped underneath the little tunnel that connects the Mall to the Fountain because there was a wedding going on right there!  It was so precious and perfect because a street musician underneath was playing The Prayer on his cello during the ceremony.  I'm sure they tipped him well to play for them but how New York is that?!!!  After looking at the fountain my ears led me again to the same spot as the wedding but this time it was a family singing You Raise Me Up in 5 part harmony.  BEAUTIFUL!  I just stood there with my eyes full of tears because these were 4 children and a dad singing together.  In this life there is nothing purer and sweeter to my ears than listening to children sing.  It just makes my heart so happy and that moment was food for my soul.   My ears took me back once again to the amphitheater where Lucius was still playing.  I had every intention of reading in the park because it's so peaceful so I found my way to a bench and I could't believe my eyes! Wouldn't you know, it said these words on a little plaque " Toto we're not in Kansas anymore!'' Oh my goodness those words could not be more perfect because that's totally how I feel.  The Wizard of Oz lives on and I failed to read after that.  I ended up people watching for a little bit and then my ears took me to some salsa music where people were doing some sort of aerobics class for the Adventures NYC thing.  It was there I met a nice man named Tino and had my first face to face conversation in three days.  I enjoyed chatting for a bit and then I headed back to my Astoria apartment for a Saturday evening of blogging.  

Tomorrow I will be going to church and enjoying the company of others and then, as the week goes on, I will be crossing my fingers and saying my prayers that I will find work somewhere soon in a Cranky's like place.  I probably shouldn't be that picky but I just loved working there and am sad I won't be.  

Here's to goodbyes and hellos a collage of my first few days here...  

Me and Heather after breakfast on the day I left.  I love you sis!

At the airport with Jake

me and my Mamma! 

Me and Jonah. Oh how I'm gonna miss these sweet boys!

I made it! Hello NYC

This is my room in my Astoria apartment with all of my luggage. 

This is how I feel when I work on my portfolio!  Clearly  me and technology do not get along! 

Beautiful Wedding

The Mall

Here is where I heard the best music! 

My little people watching bench :)

"Let the tears fall like rain...

and let the Lord's blessings wash over you. "  That is what an Encino Park parent told me the last day of school when I was "sweating through my eyes" as the kids like to tell me.  The tears fall because it's extremely hard to say goodbye and close a chapter in my life that has changed me forever.  It was a goal of mine to work in a school for 6 years so I would be able to see my first class of kindergartners all the way through to the end of 5th grade.  My goal was completed at the end of this year and how lucky am I that I was able to see that happen at Encino Park?  So many blessings came from there....I was hired after 3 awful years at another school when I put in for a transfer and  Colleen Bohrmann hired this wounded music teacher.  Crazy thing is, the day I was hired at Encino Park in 2006 was the day I had officially submitted all of my paperwork to the New York Department of Education because I was done teaching and moving to New York!.  HAHAHA the Lord knew better than I did and clearly had other plans for me at that time. I am so thankful!  My first two years at EP I had the privilege of being mentored by the great Janie Kolmann, AKA, my Jewish mother.  She taught me everything I needed to know to take over and be the best I could be. Then came Cindy David....I love her with all my heart.  Together we were able to conquer three all school musicals and so much more.  Wow, who knew those musicals would turn out to be the thing in my career that brought me the most joy and stir up a new dream in my heart.
The last few days of school were the hardest because I finally had the guts to tell everyone what I had known from the first day I got back last summer.  I told the Wizard parents first, then the teachers and the last two days I told the students!  Oh my goodness, I had no idea how hard that would be and how encouraged I would be either.   Some of the most precious moments are these...A parent came in to pray over me and a group of  amazing fifth graders set themselves up in Cindy's room in choir formation and sang Like an Eagle to me.  Of course I cried and when they got to "You taught me well, you gave me strength, I'll not forget you,"  I completely lost it!  There were hugs and tears all around when that moment was over.  What a priceless memory.  So many parents gave hugs, shed tears with me, and said some of the kindest words I've ever heard. I wrote them down in a journal so I can remember them forever.  The relationships with the kids, parents, teachers and admin are precious, and treasured and I will hold them close to my heart forever. What  an amazing 6 years.  
Tomorrow I leave for the big city and I'm so excited but if I'm 100% honest I am scared to death as well.  Yes, I'm following my dreams and taking a leap of faith but I know it's going to be full of rejection, heartbreak, loneliness and so many other things I can only hope and pray I'm prepared for.  I don't know what the future holds for me but I know who holds the future and he holds me in his hands.  I am fully depending on my Savior to lead me, guide me, provide for me and hold me when I hurt.  Right now I'm clinging to 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  So as my tears continue to fall uncontrollably I remember that home is a place in my heart and my friends will be friends whether I'm in San Antonio or in NYC and I can always come back.  However, this door has stayed open and I have to go.  




No day but today my friends...
Miss Gulley in Manhattan

What Am I Doing?!!!

Sooo another New York journey begins.  Why am I in love with the city?  Why do I long to be there?  Why are decisions so hard sometimes?  Today began what will be a hard 3 months.  I am packing up my apartment to go live with ma and pa until the end of the school year when I will pack up my things again and head to NYC for life in the big city.  I feel like this is the right decision but how do I know for sure?  Why is it so hard and why do I shed huge tears when I talk about it?  Probably b/c change for me is awful and scary.  I hate it, but i think i need it.  (Written in March when I finally broke the news to my parents and this journey became real to me)

Love,
Miss Gulley in Manhattan