Since I have been back from Christmas vacation I have literally had absolutely nothing to do! I lost my job at Cranky's because I was gone too long and that whole issue was never dealt with so "They no longer needed my services." When I went to get my check I asked what the deal was and I was told several things.
1. You were gone too long and I was in a bind. My response was "You did not communicate to me that it was not okay. It was passed off between you and the manager and never dealt with. If you would have communicated with me properly I could have taken care of it."
2. You were not a good server and some customers said you were worthless because you were always busy working on your schools stuff.. My response: Okay Mina, fine
3. Oh by the way your paycheck is at 0.00 because I have to take out 15% of your tips and because you and Katia quit at the same time I owe 5,000 in taxes. My response: Utter loss for words and complete confusion. WTF I earned money and I should get that! I didn't say anything because I just didn't get it. Then proceeded to call the labor board 3 times and still have not heard back from them.
Anyway that was a stupid situation and I tried to tell myself over and over again that I did like that job even though I really didn't. Thankfully that was removed but it left me nothing to do and feeling like I have no purpose in my life because I have sat at home for days and done nothing.
I hate that feeling, it doesn't feel good, I have no motivation. I know there are things I could be doing like writing, or doing some sort of craft, or looking for a job but instead I stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning watching full seasons of Downton Abbey and then sleep until noon or later and the endless cycle continues. It's dreadful and I hate it....I feel like I'm on the verge of depression! I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not busy. I can't wait for school to start. I've literally cried all day! Seriously, I wish I was exaggerating but everything sets me off and I realized, I have too much time to think and I miss teaching so much, it's ridiculous and I wonder if I will ever be in such a perfect school or career ever, ever again. That job at Encino Park was the highlight of my life and those kids that came through my classroom continue to make me proud today. It's a privilege to teach children that age and watch them grow up with a passion for something so wonderful. I also realized that even though I'm pursuing theatre it's just proven to me that music is my first love and that has been missing in my life for the past year! I even had time to look back on my past blog posts from when I first got here and they were so full of hope and excitement and I've lost that and just feel defeated. This city is rough and it beats people up!!! One can only be strong for so long. I also realized that I need a support group or I'm not going to make it. Spending three weeks by myself showed me that. I reached out to several people and most of the time no one ever reaches back to me. I do like being by myself but I can only endure that for so long and then I need love and hugs and encouraging words because clearly, I can beat my ownself up.
However, in these three weeks, I have had a few exciting things happen that set this semester up for success and I hope that things will finally start falling into place.
1. I have been searching for an internship somewhere in a Children's theatre because that is what I want to do when I'm done with school this summer so I need connections and the only way to do that is work for free for now. So I found one on Playbill, my go to source for all things in the theatre world, and found one for A Class Act NY. This is a children's theatre company that is pretty exclusive and only hires Broadway Actors and Actresses for their classes. But, there was an internship online to work on a Broadway Jr. Musical. Much to my surprise it is The Little Mermaid Jr. and I just think that's so funny because, once again, it's the same one EP is doing. So, even though Cindy and I are far away we still get to work on the same show!! Love it! Anyway, as soon as I sent in my resume I got an email to set up an interview. It ended up being an intitial phone interview because the Polar Vortex part two came blowing in that day so the weather was awful! The interview was promising and it sounded like I would be stage managing the show and working a long side Maria from the tour of West Side Story. The lady interviewing me said really nice things like, "You clearly have a lot of experience and know how to work with kids." "I have a lot of confidence in you because you are coming from a great program at NYU." So those words got me really excited and then she set up an in person interview for Friday. When I went in we basically re-hashed the phone convo we had and then she said "Do you think that you would be comfortable working with all those kids at once?" I said "Oh yeah, I have no problem doing that, I've worked with whole grade levels at a time and it's not a problem. Also, when I was doing my own shows I basically did the stage managing too because we didn't have a stage manager." She responded with "You just seem so sweet, I just want to make sure you can hold down the fort." At that moment I just shook my head and said Yeah I can and then got annoyed that no one ever really believes that I'm fully capable. I know, that I have to prove myself to people in this city and I get that but it still stings a little. I still don't know whether or not I will be interning or where I will be put but I do hope I'm stage managing so I can get my fix and make some amazing connections.
2. I am now a part of an amazing "Young Person" choir that will begin at the end of February. It's called Essential Voices USA and they do a wide range of music from Classical to Broadway and that makes me so happy. Also, when I went to audition all the people there were seriously my age and I got so excited because all the choirs I have been in since college have been full of people who have been in the choir longer than I have been alive and I need people my age so this is great. I also had a killer audition. I say that because that is rare but I killed it! I sang so well even after the girl who was in front of me sang the same exact song I did! The director also asked me to sing another song and I started one and only sang the first page. Then she asked me to sight read and I usually get stuck at this point but I NAILED IT! I was so happy, that is always a confidence booster. I do know that I'm growing in the audition area because each one that I have been to recently have gotten better and better.
3. I also found on Playbill and ad for new talent for a company called Citizen Talent so I sent in pictures and filled out the initial form. I got a call the next day asking me to sign the management agreement so they could start submitting me for print ads. I was a little leery because I have tried this before and the company wanted 500 dollars up front and I freaked out and walked away from that very quickly. So, I sent Papa the agreement so he could look over it, then emailed the lady back with further questions and she called me promptly to answer them in person. I really appreciated that. There were no red flags and no money needed up front so I signed and hopefully something will come of it. But who knows. At least I have a little help from someone other than myself.
4. My classes this semester start tomorrow and I can't wait because I know I will be fully consumed with rehearsals, and acting and directing and creating curriculum. I'm so excited and can't wait! I need it! What I do after school is over this summer I don't know, I'm just hoping it falls from the sky! I do have little seedlings of ideas but they all have to do with starting my own thing. I'll keep them to myself for now but I hope they turn into something bigger.
That's all for now. I just needed to get a few things off my mind so these are my honest thoughts in my honest moment called today. Tears are gone, I feel better and I'm off to church where hopefully, I will be encouraged. Oh but first, I'm stopping at Anthropologie for a little retail therapy. LOL
Love a pitiful, yet excited to start the semester,
Miss Gulley in Manhattan
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