Because it's practical...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,"  Oh how I wish that childhood saying was true, but it absolutely is not.  You may have thick skin and get over words people say but they hurt sometimes more than you expect them too.  Especially when they are replayed in your head over and over because you are trying to make sense of something so ridiculous.  The words "because it's practical" have been eating at me all week.  Surprisingly no tears were shed over those words but like I said, I'm just trying to make sense of them.
Before Christmas vacation I was sort of seeing someone, we declared we could only be friends but it was clearly more than that.  I also dated this guy over the summer too but he decided to break it off with me because he was going to Vermont for 2 months for an acting gig.  I wasn't too heart broken but I did enjoy his company and we had a lot of fun together.  Anyway, when he got back from his gig he started calling me again and we started hanging out.  Then I left for Christmas vacation with the fam.  We had a ton of fun in Ruidoso NM playing in the snow, skiing, sledding, playing cards and just being together.  Then I had a week in Texas spending time with all my BFF's and I loved that so, it was really hard to come back.  In the course of those two weeks we would text back and forth a little bit and then I made a conscious decision in my head and in my heart that I wanted to be pursued and I was not going to continue to make an effort to talk to him if he didn't make the effort first.  Maybe that's stupid but I think it prepared me for the conversation we had when I got back.   It was hard not to contact him right when I got back but I patiently waited because I knew if he wanted to see me he would call, and he did.  He asked to see me over the weekend and called me Saturday to make plans.  It was rainy and gross and super cold so I just said come over to my place and we will figure it out.
When he got there we chatted for a bit and just decided to stay in, make dinner, watch my computer (my substitute for TV) and just hang out.  Little did I know he would drop a bomb on me that was totally unexpected.  While I was starting dinner (first of all this is not normal, I never cook, ever! and I embarked on a meal that took hours to prepare)  he was sitting across from me in the kitchen, grabbed my hand and said "Crystal I need to talk to you."  I stopped what I was doing and just stared at him. The conversation that followed went something like this:
A. Crystal, I'm sort of seeing someone else
Me. (silence with a puzzled look on my face)
A. You know how much I care about you by the way I look at you when I see you, and (blah, blah, blah is what I heard after that)
Me.  ( still no words, I'm just shaking my head in agreement)
A.  So it's really hard to tell you that I can't see you anymore.
Me.  Okay, thanks for being honest
A.  Do you want to know anything else about her?
Me.  (WTF!)  No not really
A.  Can we still be friends?
Me.  Really?  No, we can't be friends, that's a silly question.  I definitely enjoy your company but for her sake that's not fair to her
A.  Okay so do you want me to go?
Me.  (I shouldve said yes but I just didn't want to cook for myself)  No you can stay for dinner.

We then proceeded to go on with things as normal because my roommate came out of her room and we had to pretend like all was well.  A little later I asked a few questions

Me. How long?
A.  On and off for a couple months.  Oh no I can see that you're getting upset.
Me.  No I'm not getting upset I'm just totally annoyed.  Why are you seeing her?
A.  Well because of the situation I'm in, no job, no money....well, because it's practical.
Me.  WHAT?!!! How?
A.  Well, she has money
Me.  OH MY GOSH THAT IS THE MOST SHALLOW THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! You're shallow
A.  Well, I'm just being honest

At this point I just laughed it off,  asked a few more questions and then continued the evening with him as planned.  Looking back I clearly should have kicked him out and wiped my hands clean but I didn't.  Why?  I don't know, because selfishly I just wanted company, I guess.  I didn't realize the impact of those words until I was out of the situation and then I thought to myself ...What kind of love is practical?  I feel sorry for the girl he's seeing because it's a business deal and that's not what I ever, ever want.  I also know a deep love that is anything but practical from a Savior who died for me because he loves me so much, so why would practical ever be an option for someone?  Clearly it is for some people who just need someone to be the bread winner but that's sad.  Anyway when he left I knew that was the last time I would see him and somehow I was totally okay with that.

Love, an anything but practical girl,
Miss Gulley in Manhattan