Miss Gulley in Manhattan: Be Still...

It's funny that my verse for the day was "Be still and know that I am God" because my mind has been running like crazy thinking about my life here. I need deep friendships here in the City. I know I have them at home but I need them here to hold me accountable, to be a familiar face in this big crowd, to spur me on. I know those take time to develop so in the meantime I'll be patient and continue to work on and build the relationships I do have here.

Speaking of relationships I spent the first part of my week in Hanover, New Hampshire visiting my BFF of 17 years, Clare Mortimer. It was a much needed get away from the concrete jungle I live in. New Hampshire is a treasure trove of hills, and trees and mountain people. Let’s just say they are very interesting. Clare is doing the Opera North, Young Artist program so I went to see her show. I've seen her perform in college but never on a professional level so this was a lovely treat. Her roommates were awesome and, like old times , we stayed up till 3 in the morning talking and laughing and catching up on life. Aaahhh friendship. I needed that.

Before I went to New Hampshire, Cindy David and her daughter Alyson Young came to the City for a visit. I needed that too! I miss Cindy soooo much it's ridiculous! We had dinner at Serendipity, dessert at Juniors two nights in a row and lots of shopping and lots of coffee. When we parted ways tears left my eyes because, once again, I needed that taste of home but I also knew that she was going back to school this week to set up her room and I wouldn’t be there. When I really think about that it takes a toll on me and I just cry...I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get over it. Who knows?

I have also thought a lot about the rejections I will face in the future and I've got to be tough because, let’s be honest, it hurts. I got a taste of rejection Wednesday night when I finally sat down at my computer long enough to check my emails. I received an email from Education Through Music, the company I interviewed with a couple of weeks ago. It was a letter saying they enjoyed my interview but I was not a good fit for their company. It was nothing about my teaching just not the right fit with the schools they have. I kind of had that feeling when I called and they said if we want to hire you we'll call. I was prepared for that news just didn’t know when it would be official. I ran the interview over and over in my head and asked myself, what in the world did I say that didn't sit well with them... and I know exactly what it was. In the interview I talked about all the performances we did with the grade levels and choir and the All School Musical and the Program Director flat out asked "Don't you think all those programs take away from the musical concepts taught in the classroom?" I quickly responded with something like "absolutely not because they are learning life lessons, how to work together, how to listen to each other and sing in a group, how to be confident and perform in front of others, I think it adds a great deal of value to the music concepts being taught in the classroom." Geeeees, to me teaching is not about making sure the kids know all the note values and how to play Orff instruments and how to sight read by the time they reach fifth grade. I believe it’s my job as an educator to introduce them to music and the basic concepts, nurture an appreciation for it and give them the desire to learn more so my students will pursue it in the future. As long as they appreciate and know the type of musical opportunities that are out there I have done my job. I know my philosophy is very different than most but that’s what I believe in. Don't get me wrong, I taught those musical concepts on every grade level but since my passion is performing that's what I bring to the table when I teach. So, of course they didn't hire me. I need a children's theatre job, that's what I really want! Okay, so now that it's almost the end of August and I'm back at square one with the job hunt, I'm freaking out just a little bit. I know the Lord is my provider but man, I hope he provides soon. I have one more paycheck and then I will really be a starving artist. However, I did have two quick interviews this weekend with a restaurant called Hillstone on the East Side. I’ll know in 24 hours if they want me to come in for the second round. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and saying my prayers.

I've also thought a lot about my Meisner class. Our last class was on Thursday and I'm a little sad. Even though I've had many sleepless nights, I've enjoyed the people in my class more than I thought I would and I'll be sad when I don't see them twice a week at least. But, that's normal for me. I'm so sentimental and I really did learn way more than I expected, especially from my favorite scene partner. Oh well, c’est la vie! I will be taking the year course with the same teacher, Charles Goforth, and that starts in the middle of September. So, I'll have a little break and then it's back to sleepless nights trying to craft an independent activity.

Along with meisner, rejection, job hunting and friends I have thought about my apartment situation. Really, the roommate situation. Two weeks ago Rebecca and I went searching for apartments again. I had wrapped my brain around the fact that they were going to be small so I was a little bit more prepared this time and did not hyperventilate. We were able to see at least 6 or more apartments and they were all so different. Rebecca and I were very clear about what we liked and what we didn't like at each place. Of course, the last place we looked at was "the one." I knew it when I walked in and could envision furniture in specific places and a room that called my name! It was the perfect size and it had a little hallway which made me feel like I had a little corner to myself when I needed it. We were with our realtor, Mike, and said we want this one. Funny thing about the place is that it's the same apartment building where I had my freak out. We began and ended the search in the same place. As soon as we decided we wanted it Mike laid out all the paperwork that was needed. Rebecca and I both looked at each other like "whoa, that's a lot to gather." Well, there was one problem, Jessica, our third roommate. How in the world were we going to get her paperwork and all the information we needed from her? I immediately called her because I feel like business like that should be taken care of over the phone, not via text or email. Well, I never got a call back. Instead she texted me and said she would call the next day. In the meantime, I emailed her all the paperwork that was necessary to hold our apartment. To make a long drawn out story short, Jessica ended up telling me via email that she had no proof of income, no guarantors, no way to sign a lease so if we wanted her as our roommate we would have to do a 3 bedroom sublease. When I read that I literally laughed out loud because 3 bedroom subleases do not exist! So, bottom line is it’s just me and Rebecca now. I honestly think it’s probably better that way because it will give us more space and Rebecca and I know that we already get along really well. This is just proof that the Lord knows what’s best and probably protected us from a bad situation in the long run. Since I still don’t have a job and we lost a roommate we have decided to put the search on hold until September and then hopefully we can move in as soon as we find a place.

As I write this sitting against a tree on The Great Lawn in Central Park I just have to say this New Yorker is very homesick. My heart aches for home. Alas, home will have to wait until my next….actually last paycheck from NEISD. Until then I will be searching for jobs, taking some dance classes, quieting my restless mind, and hopefully getting settled in a little bit more because I have to face the reality that I’m here in New York for a while. That’s the choice I made, that’s the choice I feel is right, it just takes a little getting used to.