Be Still...

It's funny that my verse for the day was "Be still and know that I am God" because my mind has been running like crazy thinking about my life here.  I need deep friendships  here in the City.  I know I have them at home but I need them here to hold me accountable, to be a familiar face in this big crowd, to spur me on.  I know those take time to develop so in the meantime I'll be patient and continue to work on and build the relationships I do have here.  

Speaking of relationships I spent the first part of my week in Hanover, New Hampshire visiting my BFF of 17 years, Clare Mortimer.  It was a much needed get away from the concrete jungle I live in. New Hampshire is a treasure trove of hills, and trees and mountain people.  Let’s just say they are very interesting.  Clare is doing the Opera North, Young Artist program so I went to see her show.  I've seen her perform in college but never on a professional level so this was a lovely treat.  Her roommates were awesome and, like old times , we stayed up till 3 in the morning talking and laughing and catching up on life.  Aaahhh friendship.  I needed that.

  Before I went to New Hampshire,  Cindy David and her daughter Alyson Young came to the City for a visit.  I needed that too!  I miss Cindy soooo much it's ridiculous! We had dinner at Serendipity, dessert at Juniors two nights in a row and lots of shopping and lots of coffee.  When we parted ways tears left my eyes because, once again, I needed that taste of home but I also knew that she was going back to school this week to set up her room and I wouldn’t be there.  When I really think about that it takes a toll on me and I just cry...I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get over it. Who knows?  

I have also thought a lot about the rejections I will face in the future and I've got to be tough because, let’s be honest, it hurts.  I got a taste of rejection Wednesday night when I finally sat down at my computer long enough to check my emails.  I received an email from Education Through Music, the company I interviewed with a couple of weeks ago.  It was a letter saying they enjoyed my interview but I was not a good fit for their company.  It was nothing about my teaching just not the right fit with the schools they have.  I kind of had that feeling when I called and they said if we want to hire you we'll call.  I was prepared for that news just didn’t know when it would be official.  I ran the interview over and over in my head and asked myself, what in the world did I say that didn't sit well with them... and I know exactly what it was.  In the interview I talked about all the performances we did with the grade levels and choir and the All School Musical and the Program Director flat out asked "Don't you think all those programs take away from the musical concepts taught in the classroom?"  I quickly responded with something like "absolutely not because they are learning life lessons, how to work together, how to listen to each other and sing in a group,  how to be confident and perform in front of others, I think it adds a great deal of value to the music concepts being taught in the classroom."  Geeeees, to me teaching is not about making sure the kids know all the note values and how to play Orff instruments and how to sight read by the time they reach fifth grade.  I believe it’s my job as an educator to introduce them to music and the basic concepts, nurture an appreciation for it and give them the desire to learn more so my students will pursue it in the future. As long as they appreciate and know the type of musical opportunities that are out there I have done my job.  I know my philosophy is very different than most but that’s  what I believe in.  Don't get me wrong, I taught those musical concepts on every grade level but since my passion is performing that's what I bring to the table when I teach.  So, of course they didn't hire me.  I need a children's theatre job, that's what I really want!  Okay, so now that it's almost the end of August and I'm back at square one with the job hunt, I'm freaking out just a little bit.  I know the Lord is my provider but man, I hope he provides soon.  I have one more paycheck and then I will really be a starving artist. However, I did have two quick interviews this weekend with a restaurant called Hillstone on the East Side.  I’ll know in 24 hours if they want me to come in for the second round.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed and saying my prayers.  

I've also thought a lot about my Meisner class.  Our last class was on Thursday and I'm a little sad.  Even though I've had many sleepless nights, I've enjoyed the people in my class more than I thought I would and I'll be sad when I don't see them twice a week at least.  But, that's normal for me.  I'm so sentimental and I really did learn way more than I expected, especially from my favorite scene partner.  Oh well, c’est la vie! I will be taking the year course with the same teacher, Charles Goforth, and that starts in the middle of September.  So, I'll have a little break and then it's back to sleepless nights trying to craft an independent activity.     

Along with meisner, rejection, job hunting and friends I have thought about my apartment situation.  Really, the roommate situation. Two weeks ago Rebecca and I went searching for apartments again.  I had wrapped my brain around the fact that they were going to be small so I was a little bit more prepared this time and did not hyperventilate.  We were able to see at least 6 or more apartments and they were all so different.  Rebecca and I were very clear about what we liked and what we didn't like at each place.  Of course, the last place we looked at was "the one."  I knew it when I walked in and could envision furniture in specific places and a room that called my name!   It was the perfect size and it had a little hallway which made me feel like I had a little corner to myself when I needed it.  We were with our realtor, Mike, and said we want this one.  Funny thing about the place is that it's the same apartment building where I had my freak out.  We began and ended the search in the same place. As soon as we decided we wanted it Mike laid out all the paperwork that was needed.  Rebecca and I both looked at each other like "whoa, that's a lot to gather."  Well, there was one problem, Jessica, our third roommate.  How in the world were we going to get her paperwork and all the information we needed from her?  I immediately called her because I feel like business like that should be taken care of over the phone, not via text or email.  Well, I never got a call back.  Instead she texted me and said she would call the next day.  In the meantime, I emailed her all the paperwork that was necessary to hold our apartment.  To make a long drawn out story short, Jessica ended up telling me via email that she had no proof of income, no guarantors, no way to sign a lease so if we wanted her as our roommate we would have to do a 3 bedroom sublease.  When I read that I literally laughed out loud because 3 bedroom subleases do not exist!  So, bottom line is it’s just me and Rebecca now.  I honestly think it’s probably better that way because it will give us more space and Rebecca and I know that we already get along really well.  This is just proof that the Lord knows what’s best and probably protected us from a bad situation in the long run.  Since I still don’t have a job and we lost a roommate we have decided to put the search on hold until September and then hopefully we can move in as soon as we find a place. 

As I write this sitting against a tree on The Great Lawn in Central Park I just have to say this New Yorker is very homesick.  My heart aches for home.  Alas, home will have to wait until my next….actually last paycheck from NEISD.  Until then I will be searching for jobs, taking some dance classes, quieting my restless mind, and hopefully getting settled in a little bit more because I have to face the reality that I’m here in New York for a while.  That’s the choice I made, that’s the choice I feel is right,  it just takes a little getting used to. 

Dartmouth College in beautiful New Hampshire

Bright Lights, Big City

Forever Friends at Serendipity with yummy frozen
Hot Chocolate!

Love,
Miss Gulley in Manhattan

Me and Clare remembering the college years

Sic 'Em Bears!  We just happened to be
wearing Baylor colors and had to pose with
the bear! 

Searching deep within, Tex-Mex and apartments shopping

I have had to do a lot of searching the past few weeks...soul searching, apartment searching and of course good ol' Tex-Mex searching.

My Meisner class has become very intense.  This past week a lot of tears were shed, not just by me but by about half of the class...boys included!  We are at the point where we have to "craft"  an independent activity  that is extremely difficult so it takes all of my concentraion. It has to have a reason that is deeply meaningful, a consequence, and it has to involve wishful thinking as well as a time limit.  Charles asks us to think about this question when crafting, what would walk across hot coals to LA for? There is so much to think about when "crafting" the activity.  I have serioulsy had sleepless nights over it because I have to be vulnverable and really think about the things I want more than anything in life.  Once I figure that out I have to be willing to share that moment with the class.  It results in tears for most because when you are treating the exercise as a reality and somebody is coming and knocking on the door and repeating at you it's intense knowing that if you don't complete the activity in the time alloted you don't get that thing you want more than anything else in the world!  I know all this makes no sense but to me it's deeply personal and emotional and soooo hard!  It has required me to search deep within when I hardly ever do that, let alone give others that i barely know insight into my hearts desires.  By the end of class I am exhausted because it really takes everything out of me.  I think it's all worth it because I am learning so much.  Our last class we were given a scene from a play and told to memorize it and work with a new partner.  Of course, my partner is the guy who I thought was all over the place and was going to annoy me to death.  His name is Marcelino and it turns out he's a pretty cool guy.  When rehearsing we were told to memorize the scene by rote, meaning no inflection in your voice because when we do it for class we have to read the behavior of our partner and respond based on what we get from them.  It's all so very interesting and we have one more round of independent actvities so I'm guaranteed at least one more sleepless night before I have to do mine.  Then it's going to be interesting when we do the scenes with new partners.  I'm sad to say, though, that there are only two weeks left of the class.  I am so glad I jumped right in to such an intense class but I'm going to be sad when it's over.  I will be searching for a new acting class to take.

Wednesday I had my second interview with Education Through Music.  It was with the program director, Peter Paulik, and I really liked him.  He was so friendly and down to earth yet very passionate about what the company does.  We talked for an hour about what brought me to New York, how I would run my classroom, my preference on days to work and if I was opposed to working in the Bronx.  When he asked me about working in the Bronx I told him that scared me a little but he quickly reassured me and said that they are just kids and have only been alive for 12 years at the most.  .  He did throw me off guard at the very beginning when he said "Wow that was a huge leap of  faith.  What was it like to leave your students and school behind?"  Oh My Gosh!! Uncontrollable tears burst out of my eyes immediately.  I told him it was really hard and so sad and I can't believe I actually did it.  Then I apologized for crying and he said Crystal I've been there, I've done the same thing so I completely understand how you're feeling right now.  All in all,  I feel like the interview went well but I have been praying that if the Lord has something better or different in store then I don't want the job.  After the interview I talked to Mom and confessed that I don't know if I want to teach music here in NY or not.  That's not what I came here for but none of the theatre companies are going to hire me unless I have some sort of New York experience and what better way to get that than teaching music, something I know and I love!  So again, it's the waiting game for me.  I am supposed to hear something this week and Peter said I if I didn't hear within 7 days to call and follow up.  It's comforting to know that I will know either way.

Wednesday began the dreaded apartment  search and I can already tell it’s going to be trying!  Jess is still at home in Rochester and won’t be here till we move in so it’s me and Rebecca searching without her.  It’s fine but she’s so young and so excited and is willing to take anything.  I, on the other hand, don’t share well and will not live in a cracker box.  I will wait for the right place and not jump the gun because I really feel like my home is my haven and if I can’t be comfy then it will just be miserable.  Our budget between the three of us is pretty small so we are limited to the Harlem/Morningside Heights area or Washington Heights/Inwood.  That translates to way far north in Manhattan between 146^th street and 207^th street.  Before Wednesday Rebecca and I got coffee and talked about apartments and searched craigslist, padmapper, hotpads…you name it we looked.  We put in inquiries on each apartment and some of them were already taken but one guy was willing to set up a time to show us an apartment we were interested in.  So, at 5:30 on Wednesday we took a look at our first apartment.  I think I nearly hyperventilated when I walked in because it was literally smaller than my apartment in Encino Park and had 3 bedrooms.  You couldn’t even fit a twin bed in one of the bedrooms and there were no closests!  WHO DESIGNED THESE PLACES?!!!!!  Rebecca was so excited and she looked at me and said “I think it’s really cute!”  My jaw hit the floor and I probably hyperventilated a little more and then freaked out.  I said “Whoa, living by myself for a long time plays a huge role in the apartment search.  There is no way I can share a space that small.  I have to have my own space and be away from people or I can’t function. There will be a place that will fit our needs and will be bigger than this.”  She said “Okay, I can completely understand but they go so fast and I don’t want to miss out on one.”  Then I looked across the street and the whole wall was tagged with graffiti so I pointed and said “ and that over there, it doesn’t sit well with me at all.”  Needless to say we walked away from that place gladly on my part.  We set up a time on Friday to look at more.  Rebecca and I parted ways and she went to visit her little boyfriend  two streets away on 148^th (I think that has a lot to do with why she like that cracker box so much….but sorry Charlie, I ain’t havin’ it!  We are not living next to your boyfriend because I don’t want a boy at my place all the time NO WAY!!!! I’m too old for that! ) Wednesday ended with a nice little concert in Central Park with Elizabeth, Jared and their friend Emily.  We had the privilege of listening to artists from the Metropolitan Opera here in NYC.  It was a great end to a very hectic day.

When Friday rolled around I was excited to go on the hunt for more apartments with Mike, the realtor from Wednesday.  I wrapped my head around the fact that the apartments we look at will be small. But still very unwilling to settle on a cracker box.  While I was having coffee with Megan from Hillsong, Rebecca and I decided to cancel the appointment because we don't have paperwork ready with proof of employment or anything like that and Rebecca has confessed on numerous occasions, that she is just stressed and overwhelemd.  So, we decided to meet up later for pedi's.  In the meantime, my new meisner partner, Marcelino, came over to my place to run/memorize lines from our scene we got on Tuesdsay.  We have to memorize it mechanically, by rote, so when we actually have to perform it we will be able to read each other and act on our impulses.  It should be very interesting.  Our rehearsal was fabulous and I definitely appreciate a partner willing to put in the time to rehearse.  My original partner, Afrim, is sort of a slacker in that area.  I'm always calling him and saying hey can you rehearse and the answer is always no let's do it before class.  GRRR!  It does work out fine, I just know we would both get more out of it if we rehearsed more.  That was a random tangent so back to Friday.  After Marcelino left I met up with Rebecca and indulged in a much needed pedi.  The streets of New York take a toll on my feet so I was not going to pass up that opportunity.  After our pedi we went back to Rebecca's, ordered chinese food and watched teh opening ceremony of the Olympics.  We were all falling asleep by the end of it because it was so long and so not what I was expecting.  A very interesting opening ceremony to say the least.   

Saturday was a lovely, laid back day.  I slept in which is always one of my favorite things.  Tom David was in town and we met up for dinner.  First, he did a little searching for some good ol' Tex-Mex on google and found two places with Tex-Mex fare.  We ate at one close to Grand Central Station and it was definitley not San Antonio Tex-Mex by any means but I sure did love a taste of home and good conversation with my dear friend Tom!  Thanks TOM, you made my day!  AFter dinner I came home and sat in front of the TV and watched the olympics.  And the week started off with a little taste of heaven at Hillsong last night.  We're off to a good week :)

Love,

A soul searching, miss gulley in manhattan.